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| First Ultra--First Female |
My Hostelity race, in a word, was an accident.
This is my first timed running event. I sleep well, wake up and eat a good breakfast. I have no stress or worries of it being a "race". I am excited to just go have fun and get in a good training run. It's about 26 degrees and sunny. I can't ask for any better weather for a January day. I'm still congested from my cold, but feel much better.
I arrive at the Hiker Hostel and catch up chatting with Josh in the driveway. I go in and check in with Leigh, and I pretty much talk to her up until the start of the race. She's asking me how long I will stay, and now I'm thinking I may stay about 7 hours or until I reach my goal. I tell her I'd like to stay the entire 12 hours as long as I'm feeling good, but I am doubting that will happen! It's more of a "wish" than anything. I tell her that Lee has encouraged me to stay, but I just don't know that I can actually run for 12 hours. That's a long time!
Willy starts the race and takes us around, and we all follow him like lambs to slaughter. It is is a nice short .65 mile loop, but sweet it is not. We start on the back porch of the Hostel, go up a small hill around the chicken coop and go on a slight downhill, then switchback on an uphill, run that level, and switch back again to the upper level. It sort of flattens out uphill, then come down a steep hill, then back up a steep hill and around to the back deck of the hostel again. Basically, it's just one big uphill with a mean downhill on the other side of it followed by a very mean uphill. This is going to be interesting looping around here and getting in my 20 miles..ha!
My main concern going into this race is repeating loops. I hate feeling like a rat in a cage. That was the main thing that annoyed me about running on a track in high school and still does when I find myself running intervals on a track. It's annoying montonous work. I am always glad when it's done but getting there can be a mental struggle. I wasn't sure how I was going to keep myself mentally entertained for that long, but I was about to figure that out on the run.
I was surprised at how fast the loops are going in the beginning. They kind of go by in a blur, and I'm just enjoying being there. The volunteers are awesome as most of them are runners too. Brad and Jenn are there, and it's always good to see them. Everytime I loop around, Josh, Leigh, Willy, and volunteers are cheering us on. It's very motivating and kept me going throughout my run.
I realize early on that this loop is crazy. While I'm climbing the switchbacks it reminds me of Dante's Inferno because the switchbacks look like levels and there are three of them. I can see runners on each level. It looks different every loop as I may be in the middle, top, or bottom of this circle of hell. On one of my laps across the deck I told them that they must have had Dante's Inferno in mind when creating this trail. And, we all crack up! It was really funny but also I was serious!
The trail is frozen and with the sun shining it looks like little ice crystals on the ground. Then the ground is wet, and I smile to myself because I know what's going to happen, and I know the next few hours are about to be fun, and I think about how it's going to change the course of this whole race. It's been raining most of the week and it's been cold at night. The ground is frozen but the sun is waking it up. Each lap the ground gets progressively more soft and more wet as it's warming up. The high is supposed to be about 43 degrees today.
Sure enough, the course turns to MUD. It slows everyone down on the layers of hell. Going down the first level turns into a bit of a mudslide. AT one point, I am behind a runner, and someone is behind me. I feel like I am skiing downhill, and it's fun, and I am laughing. I tell the runner behind me do not get too close because if one of us falls, it's going to be like dominos. I'm regretting wearing my brand new Nike bright yellow insulated hoodie that I got for Christmas. I don't look back , so I don't know who is behind me. My number one rule of trail running is to "not look back, ever" unless I am at a complete stop. The fastest way for me to fall is not to watch where I am going. I never look back...lol So, whoever is behind me is sliding too. But, we all made it without a fall. The backside of the loop is still frozen as the sun hasn't hit that side of the trail yet, but I know as the day wears on the sun will end up back there too.
Willy starts blowing leaves onto the course. This does help to provide traction, and it must take him a few hours. So, for a few hours I hear the leaf blower going. It's loud, but it's also distracting in a good way. It gives me something to think about and something to watch everytime I see the leaf blower blowing leaves on to the course. After about 2 hours, for some reason this course is feeling easier. The hills are not so bad, and I stop for the first time briefly to eat. I am starving already! I eat PB&J and grab a few snacks and drink ALOT. I'm also wearing my camelbak and that's a good thing as I don't have to stop just for a drink of water.
It's quickly lunch time already, and I'm still making loops noticing that there are some really good runners out here. I feel slow. I notice that at least 3 women runners whenever I see them on the loop they are passing me. They are running up these hills, and I am hiking and running parts of them. These are some strong women! I am glad that this is not a race, and I am glad that I am here to meet my personal goal. I stop to get something to drink and grab a slice of pizza and walk with it. I'm walking and eating my pizza, and it is good, but I am still hungry. So, I run around the loop and get more to drink and grab another slice and walk with it. Now, I feel better and keep going.
Along the way I talk with a few runners, mostly chit chatting as they pass me by..lol I am not intimidated in the least bit. In fact, I feel honored to have the chance to run the same race with some really accomplished ultra runners. Paul and I throughout the day would chit chat off and on but for the most part we are running seperately and running our own race.
Sometime before 2pm when I cross the start/finish line on the deck, Leigh tells me that so far I am the first female and third overall. I immediately respond, "NO WAY". I am in complete shock. How can I be first female when everyone is passing me? I have no concept of the loops and how many I've run or how many loops anyone else has ran. They have a white erase board that they update every hour, but I am not paying attention because I keep running past it. The volunteers are still cheering me on, but I just don't get how I could possibly be in first for the females.
Just a tad after 2pm, I take my 2nd pee break of the day. While I am sitting on the toliet, I text Lee. I quickly tell him that I am first female, and should I stay? He says, "yes, stay". Then quickly adds, "how do you feel?" And, I respond, "good". And, again he says, "stay, the kids and I will come by after Mitchell's basketball game". I know that's going to be around 5pm. I am not sure how I am feeling about staying at this point. Physically, I feel good. I'm already going to miss Mitchell's game. I am unsure what to do, and I am torn. I don't want to spend the entire Saturday away from Lee and the kids just so that I can run.
The next few hours, I am excitedly pissed. I am really angry that I am first because now if I go home, I will never know if I could have won or how far I could go. I was not supposed to stay all day. I don't even know if I can even run for 12 hours. I am excited and proud to know that so far at this point, I am winning. I eventually realize that if I go home, it's my race to lose. My competitiveness gets the best of me because I now don't want to lose just because I went home. If I lose it's because someone else is better and they deserve it and not because I simply went home. It really fuels my run for the next few hours. Everytime I cross the deck, there are words of encouragement and they laugh at my response whenever they tell me that I am still first. Because I am still in a state of shock. I don't understand how this could possibly be happening when runners are still passing me when I see them.
Sometime, in my happy pissed off stage of the race, Margaret passes me, and she asks me how I am doing or feeling. And, I tell her that surprisingly I feel pretty good. She says that today she's not feeling great and that she took a long break around lunch time. I feel badly that she isn't feeling well, but I don't ask for details, and I hope she feels better. I did notice that the crowd thinned out around lunch time, and I do remember seeing some people sitting by the fire pit. But, I thought like me that everyone took brief food or potty breaks. I just had no concept of my loops or time. After Margaret tells me of her break, that's when I realize that a lot of people must be taking extended breaks. I figured out about halfway or so through the race that most everyone took long breaks. Where the fuck have I been? LOL I just had to laugh at myself. I was so focused on getting my miles in for the day and going home eventually that I honestly did not pay attention to what anyone else was doing. The 24 hour folks were pacing themselves and the 12 hour folks were doing the same. I guess because I was probably the only female that had intentions of leaving early I just kept going early on and didn't take breaks other than to eat/drink.
Lee and the kids arrive around 5pm ish. I am so happy to see them that I don't even think that the word happy is big enough for how I feel. Lee and Mitchell are so proud of me. Mitchell cannot even believe that I am winning and says several times, "Mommy, you are winning!". Megan is still young and doesn't realize or even really care that I am winning. She just wants to see her Mommy. I stop briefly to visit with them, but Lee tells me not to stop and get out there and run! LOL It's funny, and I keep going as he says they'll be there when I loop around. I loop around and Lee and Leigh are sitting next to each other talking away. Lee see's my shoes caked in mud, and he says, "you are going to have to throw those away when you get home". I tell him, "no way! I can shake the mud off of these shoes!". Leigh laughs, and says, "we haven't told her yet that the winner gets new trail shoes". I'm like, what??? NEW TRAIL SHOES? I am just now finding this out?? LOL Ok, it's GAME ON. It's the first time all day that I decided that I really want to win. No way, am I leaving here without my SHOES! ahahaha! Lee tells me again...get out there and run!
It's about this time that Megan says, "Mommy, I want you to play with me." The little piece of my hear that is left, the part that isn't all black and pointy, just melts. I tell Megan that I want to play with you too, but right now I really can't as I have to run. She says, but "Mommy, I want you to stay with me". And, I take her hands in mine and tell her that I really really want to stay with her too, but Daddy is here as I try to explain to her that I am in a race. She doesn't care that I am in a race and doesn't realize that I am ahead so far. All she cares about is wanting her Mommy. I feel so bad, and I'm really torn what to do. But, then Megan turns around and walks towards Lee, and I turn around and run. It was so hard, and it really broke my heart and made me really question of why I am still here running.
The next lap around all is well and Lee and the kids are getting ready to leave as he has to get them dinner. They meet me at the top of the "Chasm of Fear" hill near the parking lot. Lee says, "Angela, you only have 4 more hours". I can see how excited he is for me. I say, "I know, I got this". I stop to hug the kids goodbye and then Lee. I hug Lee so hard, that I hear him gasp and laughs a little as I stumble into him and step on his feet with my muddy shoes. I apologize as I didn't realize I was so heavy and got his shoes all muddy. But, in that hug I think I just absorbed all of his warmth and energy. He is always so warm, and I love that about him. I cannot explain how much this visit meant to me and how much it boosted my spirit to help me get out of my angry period. I no longer felt guilty about missing my day with them because I knew they fully supported me. I asked Lee to try and come back at the finish because I was a little worried about driving home, but I was not sure if he could come back with the kids that late or not. I couldn't think about the drive though right now. I had to run!
This was the first time all day, that I really really believed that I am going to make it the entire 12 hours. It dawns on me at that moment in time, that I am actually going to be on my feet moving for 12 hours. I stop thinking about the 8 hours I have already run, and start thinking about the next 4 hours. Four hours is nothing to run. It's just a long run. I can do this in my sleep. I am thrilled. All, I have to do is keep one foot in front of the other. All, I have to do is keep moving. All, I have to do is run part of every lap and hike the hills. Running is all I have to do. Nothing else, just running.
Sometime after my family leaves, I feel hungry. I am really hungry. I think I eat a piece of pizza on the run again, loop back around, and eat the most yummiest grilled cheese sandwhich that Brad made on the outdoor grill. I stop to eat it briefly. One of the volunteers, Phillip is standing there and he tells me to keep moving! LOL I'm looking at him like, "you gotta me kidding me?" I am hungry! LOL Nothing can stand in the way of me and food at this moment when I am this hungry. But, he doesn't know that, but I appreciated his encouragement and his concern. He told me that he has run many of these races and if I stop too long that I will "lock up" and won't be able to move. I don't know what he's talking about but what I do know is that I don't know what I don't know. I've learned that much from DRT training runs and the race itself. So, I do what he tells me too because I know he knows what he is talking about even if I don't fully understand. I keep running.
At some point, Tyler texts and asks how I am doing. I think it's the 2nd or 3rd time he's texted to check on me that day. I think I had just passed the 50k point or I was quickly getting ready to pass that point. Funny thing is that I just now realize in my race that I don't know when I made it to the 20 mile "goal" and I don't remember the 26.2 miles ...if I feel good marathon goal. And, now here I am at 31 miles there abouts. I text him back that I am winning, and I can't stop..but I think I used some language as to be funny not in an angry sort of way. It's getting dark now, and I have to pull out my headlamp. Tyler says that he'll be there soon. That's nice..I'm going to have a visit. I am wondering if he is going to run a lap with me?
My mind is tired and it's getting dark. Surprisingly, my body doesn't feel tired. I really feel good or at least better than how I expected to feel. I don't know how am I supposed to feel at this point. All, I know is that I gotta keep running, and so I do. It's dark and there isn't hardly anyone out here. The volunteers are hanging glow sticks out in the trees and it looks like Halloween. I come up on the flat section and see the whole city of Dahlonega lit up. I never realized that Dahlonega has city lights! It was so beautiful to see that view with the mountains in the background as the sunset and then it got dark. I eventually pull out my headlamp in my camelbak and put it on.
Tyler shows up, but he has Dave, Sue, and Matthew with him! I am so surprised to see all of them! I give them all a hug. This was very motivating as it was a complete surprise to see more friends with Tyler. They are all smiles and clean. I feel like grimey and my hair must be a mess! It's night time, and I have no idea what time it is. I talk to them between loops and probably was the longest amount of time I stopped all day. Tyler is giving me M&M's to eat and he and Dave are trying to make me eat. I am not hungry. I do not want to eat. Why are they giving me food? I just have to run. That's all I have to do. Tyler tells me to run another loop and when I get back he'll have chicken broth for me. Ok, I don't want it but if he is going to make it then I'll drink it after I run.
Sue meets me on the trail by the chicken coop. The chickens have gone to sleep. She tells me something she has read on facebook and she is worried or mad about it. She tells me to give me motivation to finish this thing out and it does. I think about it the entire time I run the loop and thinking how it doesn't make sense and how could that happen. It is fuel for the run that I am going to finish.
I loop around for the chicken broth and Tyler hands it to me with a big smile on is face like he just made me steak dinner. I take a big gulp and it tastes like complete shit. It's so salty that it burns all the way down. I guess the look on my face must have said it all and he says, 'it's too salty? I'm like Yes! It's awful.. He dilutes it down, and I drink it. I don't want to though. Dave and Tyler are telling me that Willy says I am not eating or not eating enough. Really? I am not eating? I last remember those yummy grill cheese when food still tasted good, and I was hungry and Phillip telling me not to stop too long. And, I think, well, maybe it has been awhile. I remember Tyler asking me how I am feeling. And, I don't know. I think I am numb except my big toe nail hurts really bad, and I know it's a blister forming. He says, I know you gotta hurt like hell. It's at this point, I realize I am massaging my knee's but that is old pain and nothing new. I tell him my big toe hurts. I cannot tell if anything else hurts or not. My mind is tired. Shortly, after this they all say goodbye and leave. It was so good to see them! I don't have much longer to go maybe an hour or so? I am not sure as I don't know what time it is.
I am running in the dark on a loop and Margaret and I end up together. She's asking me how many loops have I run. I am not sure, but I think I am around 54. She says she's at 50 and this is her last loop. I think there is just an hour left of the race. I have another hour in me. I can run 7 miles in an hour, an hour is nothing, I am not going to stop now. We have a nice talk on the trail and I ask her where she lives and where she runs and I mention to her that we should meet for a run sometime. I know from FB that she is an awesome ultra runner. I know that she is way faster than myself and a much much more experienced ultra runner. I am just beginning. It would be amazing for me to have a chance to run with her sometime, and I store that in my brain. I am not sure if Margaret is going to stop, but I think she must just have a 50k as her goal for the day. I am amazed that she probably spent half the day running off and on while it's taken me all day of virtually not stopping all day to reach this point. I know her race experience was totally different than my own. And, I know she could have easily won today but has chosen not to for whatever reason. And, I think if she would have chosen to win this early on. I would have reached my 20 miles or 26.2 miles and went home and been happy with what I have done.
I go to the bathroom for the 4th and final time all day. I am surprised to see so many runners in the lower level eating Chinese! The thought grosses me out. I love Chinese, but right now I still don't want any food as I think about the hot salty water I drank. I quickly use the bathroom and go out and run.
It's the last hour of the race. I am in the dark and alone as there is hardly anyone out here. I am trying to calculate how many more laps I can get in that last hour, but the numbers are once again falling out of my head, and I cannot keep up with the math. I wonder how I am going to feel when I cross the finish line. I am trying to imagine that moment when my foot crosses the line one last time, and my eyes almost burn with the thought of it. I wonder damn, and I'm going to be happy or am I gonna cry like a baby? The thought is almost overwhelming as I begin to realize I am going to actually finish. I cannot believe that I am doing this and that I will have done it. I never knew how much I had in me, and I am so happy that I didn't sign up for the 24 hour race! LOL I am proud of me.
It's now about 8:40pm I think, and I stop to drink briefly. I am, for the first time, feeling physically tired. Mentally, I have been tired but strong at the same time. Tired in the sense that I don't think I could think things out clearly but strong in the sense that my mind was pushing my body further and further and beyond what I knew I could do. It makes no sense how to explain this but this is just the way it was.
While I am getting a drink, I contemplate for the first time to just stop. This is close enough. I have only seconds to think about this when Phillip (who is this guy anyways? LOL) comes up to me and says, "you got three more laps, you can do it". I say, "I can't", and as soon as the words escape my mouth...I instantly regret it as I hear my Dad's voice say, "Can't never did anything". I cannot believe I have run for 11 hrs and 40 minutes and I have 3 laps to go and 20 more minutes, and I am angry for saying "I can't". It's completly ridiculous. So, I say, "3 more laps"...It's just 3 more laps. I start running. On this lap, I find new energy as I am disappointed that I thought I cannot do 3 laps. I've already done over 50 laps...3 laps is nothing. I come around and Phillip says, "you've done that lap, fast!"...LOL It felt fast cause I was mad at myself and so I say, "just 2 more laps"..and when I come around again, I say ONE MORE LAP!
I am coming down the Chasm of Fear and this downhill as been reeking havoc on my quads for hours now. Every step down this hill is an owie. I hear Mitchell's voice, come on Mommy! I can hear Mitchell and Megan at the top of the uphill and they are telling me to hurry. I am trying. I reach the top of the hill and there is my sweet family. Lee is smiling ear to ear and he is also so excited for me. They are so excited and I am so happy to see them. I see Willy near the finish and I sprint to cross that finish line and I'm surprised that I have any kick in me left. I am so happy to have finished this thing with only a few minutes to spare. There is no time for another lap, I am done and I am happy and I am smiling. I have earned first female, and still 3rd place overall. I am told that I ran 59 laps and ran 38.35 miles. I am thinking Damn...a few more laps I could have had 40 miles. There is always some reason to not feel good enough. I think back throughout the day, and I do not know how I could have squeezed in a few more laps. Today it is enough.
And, I will run another day.
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