The title of this blog should be : What NOT to do Before and During a Race, because everything I shouldn't do I did. I was mentally and physically not prepared for this race. I can't ever remember feeling more underwhelmed about a race before. This was very unfortunate because this is a race that I have been wanting to do for years, but never did. I was a Mom at home with my kids every weekend while my husband worked. The reason I have not raced until this past year was because I never wanted to ask friends to babysit just so I could run, and I never wanted to pay a babysitter just so I could run a race. When my husband finally got off of weekends that's when I decided to compete again. I have been dying to for years, but just didn't feel the timing was right with very young children at home. So, now that I have the opportunity, I have raced in over 12 races in less than a year, and this is the one time that I am NOT feeling excited about this particular race when the time comes! UGHH
What led to my downfall? One: Running 30 miles on trails that took 10 hours just 6 days prior was not a good idea. Not only that, this particular trail training run was a terrible run for me physically. For the first time, I am profoundly exhausted and my insomnia is at an all time high. When I don't run well, mentally I am drained and frustrated. I realize that I am in a slump that I do not know how to get out of. None of my runs this week have gone well. I feel slow, I am beyond exhausted. Two: I am having a terrible week. Nothing seems to be going right in my little world which is very unusual wth my life. It's just a bad week.
In fact, the night before this race I tell Lee that I don't think I am going to run this race the next morning. I am going to bag it. I have never ever not one time ever felt like bagging a race the night before. In fact, it takes me a good week to mentally prepare myself for an upcoming race. I have not found my mental motivation for this race. I have no plan for this race. I have not done the math and there are no numbers. I have no time goal. Lee tells me that I should go to the race even though I am not feeling it. Finally, I decide that I'll just use it as a training run and as my long run for the week. I've already read the race description and only the top 3 are going to place. So, I am not thinking about actually placing as I know from previous years this is a pretty competitive race and there will be 3 women faster than me at least. So, with my training run goal in mind, I pack my race stuff up for the next morning.
I finally arrive at the race site about 5 or so minutes before the 5k start time. I see my friends Sue and Gayle lining up. Funny, as I didn't know Sue was running this race! lol I wave at them, but I am not sure if they see me. Dave and Alan see me, and we watch the start of the 5k race and chit chat. Alan asks me how fast I am planning to do this race, and I respond that I do not know and it's the truth. He is trying to get a number out of me, and I cannot find the number so when he presses and asks me to guess, I just say an 1 hr and 40 min. with no real committment to that number on my part! He jokingly says it will take him 2 1/2 hours. Dave isn't running the 15k as he planned to because of his neck pain and Sue is taking his place and the race officials are allowing her to run the 5k. That was so nice of the Ranger Run to allow a subsititution for this race as there are so many races that do not allow this. Damn, why didn't I think to give my race entry to someone?! LOL
Soon we start talking to Jessica and Mitchel. This is the first real conversation that I have ever had with Jessica, and I am glad to finally be able to have time to talk to her at a race. I realize that she has been at every ultra that I have participtated in since last Nov. either as a volunteer or as a runner. I am glad to finally have the opportunity as she is also a Mom and a runner.
Now to the race! I line up towards the front with Jessica and the canyon blasts off which I already have my ears plugged with my fingers as that thing is loud! But, it kick starts my heart and feet into gear. I am notoriously horrible for fast starts but since this is a training run (in my mind), I tell myself over and over and over again do not go fast, do not go fast you have just over 9 miles to run. Jessica runs ahead, and I figure she is going for a faster run than I am, and I am good with that. It's not long before I see the 5k runners returning on their race, and I wave to Gayle and Sue as they head toward their finish.
This race starts out on a road and then ends up on some back roads in the mountains that reminds me of forrest service roads. It's pretty much like a rough back road that's unpaved with a lot of rocks. But, it's not a trail and for whatever reason I thought this was a "trail" run, but it's not. There isn't really anything "technical or trail" about this race it's just back service roads. That's fine as it's a good training run. I am listening to my music but it's not really working for me, so I start to pay attention to the other runners around mile 3 and well after the crowd has filtered out. It's a good distraction.
There is this one big guy who is running a slower but very consistent pace. We pass each other so many times it's ridiculous. But, then it's really me who is ridiculous. This route has a lot of ups and downs...I am not a consistent uphill runner. He passes me on the uphills and I pass him on the flats. We do this throughout the last 6 miles of the race. What I lack in uphill strength and power, I can make up with speed generally on the downhills and flats.
There is an older gentelman who I am also playing tortise and the hare with. He is not running consistently but rather probably running like I do...goes faster when he is able and slows down when he needs to. We pass each other maybe around 4 times during the last 6 miles of the race.
Then there is the guy who is dressed in this royal blue outfit. He is not hard to miss. When I finally catch up to him, I see his running style. His particular running style almost never works. I've seen this style of running before and this makes the third time in the last year during a race. This is the guy who sprints ahead like a demon in heat and then slows down to a crawl and walks. The funny thing is is that everytime I catch up to him he sprints ahead. I am not worried as I already know that he is going to burn out fast, but I have to grin to myself as I think he just can't stand a gal to pass him because he starts sprinting everytime I catch up to him. After about 2 miles of this, he can no longer out run me.
I get in mile 7 and DAMN for the first time in this race, I actually start to feel better and I really pick up the pace. This is the part whereby I have the devil and angel on each shoulder. I have the one side telling me that I am running too fast, slow it down, you are gonna crash and burn at the end. I have the other side that says "run run run...you've been dragging ass for 7 miles or so...you feel good now...go now..worry about the crash and burn later"! So, against my better judgment I just run as hard as I can as fast as I can.
Then along about mile 8 or so I run up on this very nice older fellow who has to be in his 60's who see's my GPS and asks me how much further. I tell him just over a mile now. We run together for a tad and then we run up on the older guy that I've passed a few times except now this time he is ahead...then a funny thing happens...me and these two guys actually run upon a female runner who is walking! I can't believe that I have caught up to a runner that I haven't seen thus far. She says that she left her watch at home and this is the first race she has run in since she had her baby! Ok, now the Mom in me comes out, and I am congratulating her on being a new Mom. This poor gal thought she was only 4 miles into this race, and I tell her NO..you only have about less than a mile! She is so relieved! I really encourage her to keep going.
It's about this time that there is a water stop, and I keep going as I am glad I decided to bring my camelbak as this was only the 2nd water stop I've come across. The other runners that I am caught up with are talking about the last mile and how terrible it's going to be as there is supposedly a huge hill and it's very difficult. I know that the worse hill is at the end, but I have not put any thought into it before now. But, now that I just finished running with that stupid devil on my shoulder and caught up with these folks, I realize that I am tired. I don't want to hear about this hill and finally decide well if it's too hard, I'll just walk up it. I really don't want to deal with it right now. LOL
Sure enough, I come upon this hill and it's tough. The two older fella's get a little ahead of me and so does the new Mom. I really don't care as this is a training run. I run a little ways and walk a little ways and repeat. I have my music back in my ears, but it's not making anything any easier. I see Mitchel running down the hill, and I figure he is going to catch up to Jessica and finish her race with her which I think is so nice! I am past mile 9 and don't have much farther to go.
All of a sudden, I feel this tap on my shoulder and it's Alan! I am completly taken by surprise as I never expected to see him again...lol He says, something to the effect, "What are you doing walking up this hill, COME ON". So, he is running uphill, and so I start running uphill. This isn't so bad..damn why was I walking up that stupid hill? It's then that I realize when I was tired back in mile 8 or so, I let those other runners totally sike me out about this hill! OMG, I've been siked out. For the first time ever in my entire running life ..I got siked! This is why I never allow myself to get to that mental "I don't give a shit about this run, attitude". But, here I am stuck right in the middle of this line of thinking and have been stuck here for about 5 days now.
At about the same time, I am very excited that Alan at least seems to be having a great run. He is really running well, and I am not sure if he is keeping up with me or if I am keeping up with him, but I do notice that we pass the one older fella and the new Mom. We end up finishing the race at the same time. It's the first time I have ever finished a race with someone I know. I am really thankful for the push. It's always intersting to see how things come full circle as a few years ago, I told Alan to run on the downhills (rather than walking) when he first started running, and here he is pushing me up on the uphill. I just have to laugh at myself, but also gratefull for the push because I am in such a slump that I needed a reminder of what kind of runner I am. I was perfectly capable of making it up that hill, I was just not mentally into this run. Surprisingly, we finish at 1hr 37 minutes and below my made up guess of 1:40 hrs! LOL
Gayle meets us at the finish and shows me her first place 5k medal which looks sort of like a rail road tie and tells me that she won first in her age group! She also informs me that Sue won first in her age group as well! I am so excited for them both! Then, I'm like age groups??? Because I read that only the first 3 overall winners place. She says, "yes, they have age groups". I ask her if she thinks they will have age group prizes for the 15k and she says yes and tells me to stick around because my plan was to grab some after race fuel and go home. But then, I was thinking, "OH SHIT"...I am not even going to place because I didn't even try! Not only did I have a shitty week, shitty runs, now..I am not even going to place because I didn't try. I'd rather run my absolute best and not win because I will go home feeling great about MY race i.e. The GA Jewel 50k. But, if I go home because I didn't at least try to place then in my book that's a failure. I stick around for the awards and quite honestly, I am shocked to find out that I actually won my age group and there were at least 3 runners in my age group...lol. But, then I really didn't feel especially great about placing or winning my AG because I felt that it was somehow not deserved after I treated this like a training run and not a race. I know this is faulty thinking, but I am just that hard on myself. My best is never good enough and my worst is never good enough. It's really hard at the end of the day.
I really did enjoy this run though. It was a challenging run on hills although not on trail and not technical, it didn't need to be. I will definitely run this race again. If anything, I had fun watching the Rangers pass me by early on in the race :-D. There were a lot of good runners on this course and a lot of good running times. I learned so much about what NOT to do on a race and learned so much about myself that next year I am determined to do my absolute very best on this course. The most inspiring thing on this race for me was when I looked at the race results and saw that the last place finisher was Mr McClellan who is 80 years old. That gave me hope and inspiration to keep trying.
I hope....I hope....I hope....that when I am 80... that I am running...still....
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